My darling husband of 12.5 years, the father of my two precious children, the King of our castle, is also the one who demands we live in a neat home. He literally cannot function with any level of clutter around–it makes him crazy! (I have a few girlfriends who feel the exact same way.) And this feeling of craziness is not imagined or exaggerated; when, for example, the dining table is covered in magazines or scraps of fabric or papers–he feels tense and almost nauseous. He cannot function–he’s irritated and agitated to a state where he can’t concentrate on anything but that surface. The rest of the house could be immaculate, but if the table’s cluttered or there are toys everywhere on the living room floor, it’s almost like having an anxiety attack.

I, on the other hand, have no problem with clutter. The table surface is clean, the items on the table/floor is/are clean, but it can be covered a pile high and I don’t know if I’d notice. I do love it when it’s empty, but it doesn’t bother me. It definitely doesn’t stop the progress of my day. And granted, it’s usually me that makes the mess to top it off.

How to cope with two completely different idyllic levels of stuff management? A marriage therapist would probably recommend a level of compromise (although I’m not positive on that since we didn’t go that route). In our house, it came down to the fact that I’m home all day, and I can deal in a clean or messy environment, and DH (Darling Husband) can’t–so I’m responsible to TRY to keep things as neat and organized as possible. Which I have come a really long way, baby!

My husband describes counter- and tabletops as “Horizontal Surfaces”. Horizontal Surfaces, prior to our marriage, to me would be a descriptive term from 3D algebra or geometry. Not the countertops in my home! These Horizontal Surfaces are to be kept clean so at any time you can set something down. Once something is set down, it must be put away/dealt with/filed relatively soon after setting it down so that the surface can be clear once more. It has taken me almost 12.5 years to figure this out, LOL! (That’s how much this concept never really bothered me.)

In exchange for a renewed vigilance on Horizontal Surfaces on my part, I am allowed TWO areas where my papers/clutter do NOT have to be completely organized. And it’s not to stash them away in a drawer! I have a few friends who have immaculate countertops, but God Forbid you open a kitchen drawer!! The stuff is there–it has to go somewhere. Now as much as I don’t mind a cluttered table, my kitchen has to be relatively neat and tidy–I love to cook and have to have instant access to any of my gadgets. So it’s one smallish area of a countertop with my calendar and extra papers in the far end of the kitchen, and one area near the old Maid’s Quarters (I live in a 1943-ish built home on China Lake military base–and yes–they used to come with maids!) where no one really goes except me most of the time.

So yes–our office area and the majority of the house are very neat-looking and organized. This is what keeps our home and really our marriage functioning. Those two areas of mine could almost be called an eyesore at times–but it’s actually what it takes for ME to function! I love to have all of my necessary papers and documentation that I feel like I need to make sure no missed events, school project due dates, etc. occur.

The huge advantage of this level of neatness is that my house is ready to have people over at a moment’s notice and there are places to sit down, eat, walk, etc. that are completely free of clutter/stuff. And that I love! I love that friends can come over any time–and when we’ve had show our home to sell or rent, it’s no big deal for people to pop over.

I’d love to hear your reactions and your experiences with neatness. And especially coping mechanisms!