Dieting versus Anorexia

Deep into my dieting experiment, counting calories obsessively, exercising, etc. I can’t help but wonder how this is different from having an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia. According to Portia De Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness, a memoir about her struggles with anorexia, there isn’t.

“[D]ieting . . . was another form of disordered eating. . . ‘Ordered’ eating is the practice of eating when you are hungry and ceasing to eat when your brain sends the signal that your stomach is full.”

–Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness

Today, we see people obsessing about food all the time. If it isn’t calories, then it’s fat, sugar, gluten, carbs or labels like organic or vegan. It’s hard to feel comfortable and confident in your food choices. There is someone out there to judge you no matter what you choose to eat.

How do you know when your dieting has crossed the line into anorexia?

When you read Portia de Rossi’s autobiography, it is very clear that her anorexic eating patterns are not normal.

Some of the signs:

• Needing specific bowls or eating utensils to eat her food
• Eating exactly the same thing in exactly the same amounts
• Worrying about how many calories ate in an unplanned snack and immediately exercising to lose them
• Eating normally to be social then throwing up right after
• Lies to her nutritionist and others about what she is eating (or not eating)

Take, for example this fictional magazine interview response she says is the honest response to questions about her then diet and exercise routine.

SHAPE: “Portia, tell us how you stay in shape?”

PORTIA: “I eat three hundred calories a day for as many days as I can before a photo shoot. The rest of the time I binge and purge.”

SHAPE: “What’s your favorite workout?”

PORTIA: “I’m afraid to work out at all because I’m worried that muscle definition makes people look bigger. I hate the look of fit, muscular women. I prefer the long, waiflike look of models who are most likely just as sick as I am.”

–Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness

What causes someone to become anorexic?

There are certainly many causes but in Portia De Rossi’s case, she describes it this way:

“Average. It was the worst, most disgusting word in the English language. Nothing meaningful or worthwhile came from that word. . . . What kind of boring, uninspired life was I going to live if I was thought of as ‘average’ in any category?”

–Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness

A large part of her desire to be thin was to solidify her uniqueness in life, to show the world how she was a special, unattainable ideal that no one could ever copy. Add in a dose of perfectionism, a serious competitive streak, a high-pressure industry focused on appearance, and a conflicted sense of self coming to terms with her homosexuality and anorexia is almost an unsurprising result.

What was her path out of anorexia?

There were many factors that helped Portia De Rossi recover from anorexia. Accepting herself as a lesbian and finding solid relationships (like her current marriage to Ellen DeGeneres) was a big part; realizing the medical harm she had done to her body by being so thin (down to 82 pounds at one point) was another; but there were two other factors that helped her control her obsessive dieting and exercise tendencies.

Her realization about eating what you want certainly rang true for me. Until this month, I have almost never censored what I eat.

“[L]iving without dieting sounded like a utopian philosophical ideal. That is, until I witnessed it at work with Francesca. A naturally thin woman who ate whatever she wanted and never gained or lost a pound was the most fascinating case study for [me] who had spent her life gaining and losing weight. I watched her eat pasta, candy, ice cream and cheese. I watched her dip her bread in olive oil and wash it down with Coke – real Coke, not diet—while I ate dry salads with no dressing and sipped iced tea. I was dumbfounded that I was eating boring, dry, diet food and maintaining or gaining weight during the course of any given month when she never even thought about what she ate or how her body looked. I was equally amazed as I watched her order food at restaurants and only eat a small portion of her order because she was too full to finish it or skip breakfast or lunch because she got a little too busy and simply forgot to eat. After initially dismissing her eating habits as a result of her just being one of those lucky people who can eat whatever they want and stay thin, it suddenly occurred to me that maybe people who stay thin are the people who eat whatever they want.”

–Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness (emphasis added)

I worry about some parents who control every bite that goes into their children’s mouths fearful about weight gain or sugar-dependency. We have to be careful about encouraging health without making children become anxious about eating and laying the groundwork for eating disorders.

Her realization about exercise is something I had never thought of before but which makes a whole lot of sense. We tend to overemphasize that the reason we need to exercise is to stay thin. Portia De Rossi learned to see it another way:

“Another way for me to stay fit is to do activities where I can learn a skill, like horse riding or tennis or dancing. I find that if I can concentrate on getting better at something, rather than getting fitter or looking better, I accomplish all three things…”

–Portia De Rossi, Unbearable Lightness

Unbearable Lightness is a fascinating read, especially if you like Hollywood gossip. It took a huge amount of courage to write and has lessons for us all about the right and wrong ways to encourage healthy eating and exercise patterns.

Have you struggled with eating disorders? How do you respond to the above insight on diet and exercise? Please share in the comments.