April 18, 2011

Ruly Bookshelf: 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

My Friday Fun post last week was postponed due to a minor transportation crisis (now resolved) that turned my life upside-down for 24 hours so this week we will have Fun Monday!

Recently, I was sent the great book, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife by a publicist for sports-commentator-turned-author, Joe Gumm. In this book, Joe shares secrets to the success of his 14-year marriage to his wife, Alexa. Joe, who professionally lives in the testosterone-fueled universe of professional sports, is surrounded at home by four beautiful daughters.

“I certainly know females. I live with five of them. That means me and my neutered male dog, Grady, are the minorities. He and I are surrounded by pink stuff everywhere. We like to refer to our house as Planet Estrogen, and when we feel we need a shot of testosterone, we escape to the Estro-dome (better known as the basement) to watch SportsCenter.”

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

What motivated Joe to write this personal book? It was his daughters.

“I love my girls to death . . . I’ve been involved in their lives from the very beginning and will continue to be involved until the day I die. That involvement will include helping to marry them off to the right men—something that could actually cause me so much stress, I might end up dying because of it. . . . So, in order for me to be less stressed, I plan on giving every young man who plans to court my daughters or even thinks about being in the same airspace as them a copy of this book.”

—Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

It’s a bit tricky writing a romance and relationship advice book given the uniqueness of every couple. No two relationships are alike and every couple has different goals and personality quirks to contend with. Joe and Alexa’s relationship is based on a relatively traditional dynamic. Alexa sounds like she is a Texas beauty queen from Joe’s description.

“To this day, I’m still surprised [Alexa] agreed to go out with me on a first date, then unbelievably, a second one. Of course it didn’t take too long for me to realize two things: 1.) that she was young and naïve, and 2.) that I needed to act on that before it was too late and she realized she had made a terrible mistake. That point was made evident years later after we, as husband and wife, went to a company Christmas party. The next day at work, my colleagues crowned me as president of the “I married way out of my league,” club. . . . She captivated me with her smile, grace, love and beauty. I captured her with my comedy, my self-deprecation, my roofing job, the remedial courses I was taking at a community college, the 1978 Ford F-150 I had bought for $300, and my very large and very noticeable Adam’s apple.”

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

The other dynamic that is very important in Joe and Alexa’s relationship is their belief in God, Alexa’s commitment to natural childbirth/homebirth and their role as a homeschooling family.

“[I]t was the unselfish move of having our children at home that made me realize my life was insignificant compared to [Alexa’s].”

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

Not every couple is going to match up directly with Joe and Alexa and some of the general characterizations Joe makes about men and women aren’t going to fit every situation. Not every woman is a beauty queen or obsessed with appearances and not every man is obsessed with sports, for example.

But if you read the book with a more flexible interpretation . . . i.e. that these tips are not just for men trying to romance and impress their wives, but for couples in general to respect and honor each other and keep harmony in the relationship, there are a lot of gems to remember.

Things start simple:

#11: Wear your wedding ring—all the time.
#15: Look groomed

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

There are some tips that are harder:

#40: Take her advice
#47: Stop comparing her to other women
#144: Be considerate of her temperature needs

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

Even if you are satisfied with your relationship, these tips will be a good reminder of all the things your partner does to keep you happy—things that you may be taking for granted. These tips particularly hit home for me:

#21: Have that exam she’s wanted you to have
“Your wife wants to keep you around a while. She’s not ready for you to go just yet . . . She’s also sick of you complaining about the toothache you’ve had for six months now. Get it checked out.”

#77: Help her do the Christmas cards
“Next to hell, filling out insurance forms, being audited, and getting a root canal, I would say this is next in line. . . . “[H]ere we are celebrating the most joyous occasion on the planet, Christmas, . . . and my wife has chosen picture time to be the most stressed out. . . One particular time she not only bought the outfits in October, but we took the pictures in October. . . . [S]he had way too much time to think about ALL of the things she didn’t like about the pictures, so she went out and bought new outfits for the kids and we shot our Christmas pictures again, in November. And again, she was unhappy with the result. . . . [I]f [men] were in charge of this, no one would ever get that yearly reminder of what our family looks like.”

#84: Fill her car up with gas.

#91: Call her at home or work just because

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

I was surprised to see so many of the tips related to cleaning and organizing. Organizing as a form of romance! A clean, ordered environment facilitates harmony in a relationship. Here are just a few of Joes’ cleaning and organizing romance tips.

#63: Get organized.
#41: Have a maid come in
#10: Clean parts of the house

–Joe Gumm, 150 Secrets to a Happy Wife

What really struck me most about this book is how deeply Joe Gumm loves his wife. He is willing to do all kinds of things to accommodate her needs first. I don’t know that every man needs to do all of the tips in this book. If my husband did all of them, I would frankly find it a little odd. I want my husband to be himself too and not just a slave to my needs (although it is a tempting proposition). However, this book is a great starting point for anyone looking to revive or maintain their relationship and the advice is funny, sweet and personal.

When I first saw the cover of this book, I wondered whether the attractive couple on the cover was Joe Gumm and his wife or just some professional models. It turns out it really is them! You can even see a glimpse of the entire adorable family in the pilot below for a reality television series the family is doing called, Traveling with the Tribe.